It was full of pain and torture
Full of disappointment
And tears
And lots of Ibuprofen and Melatonin
I was lost for months
And still feeling lonely sometimes
But in the end of 2020 and near of 2021 I realize
Sometimes I got blind and cannot see people that surrounded me
Even though I do not really know 100 percent how their feelings toward me
Or does this friendship is mutual
I should feeling grateful for them to try reconnect with me
It makes me wonder…
Why am I always feeling like this? Like no one ever loves me
While there are several people that actually reaching me out
It is not like a ton, I even can count it with my left finger
But why am I always distrust their intention?
When they actually want to reconnect
I miss the old days
I wish there are some ways for me to go back
How come I always lingering with the past
I wish I treat everyone better
I wish I treat myself better
Then I remembered the unfinished business between me and Mbak Ajeng
The unfinished therapies
The unfinished feeling
I wish I can get better soon
I wish I finally can say like what Robin said
“I want to live”
I wish I can get better soon
I wish 2021 can help me getting better than before
So I can be ear and shoulder to everyone who have similar pain with me
I wish…
Senyap Suara 